How to live with insecurities within your relationship

When I tell people that Taylor and I have been together for almost 6 years people are always in awe and tend to use the words like you guys are “perfect”, “so cute”, “goals”, etc. Which yes, I love hearing those things and do agree but underneath all that fluff is HARD WORK. A lot of that hard work came with meeting one another at the age of 18, we were just babies not knowing where the world was going to take us. It’s actually a beautiful thing to look back and see how we’ve grown together since then. With that growth came conquering our insecurities. Now, I’m not going to speak to his but as a women in a long term relationship there’s an abundance amount and I feel it’s important to share. None of my personal insecurities really have to do with the way that Taylor treats me or his actions but more so everything adding up to that day I met him, on top of the insecurities we suffer from as women. Before sharing my own personal ways to deal with insecurities and hardships, I want to say in no what way do these things not occur anymore. I believe a relationship isn’t healthy if these issues don’t come up but what makes it even more healthy is finding strategies to overcome these moments, and thats where I believe our hard work has come in.

When entering a relationship the first part is amazing, full of butterfly feelings, infatuation, and pure joy. Those feelings continue to develop but with that development comes all those insecurities; “does he still think I’m beautiful?”, “why am I more emotional?”, “what happens if another girl shows interest?”. There’s an abundance more of little thoughts that pop up almost all the time. It’s human nature to have these thoughts but what’s not taught to us is how to deal with these moments. And man is it hard. One thing I’ve learned is that there is no perfect way to overcome these issues. Patience is your biggest friend during these times. Your other biggest friend is yourself. That may sound silly to some of you but the only person who can truly work through the issues and thoughts that keep occurring is you. Your partner is there to help you get through the steps but you are there to find the root of it, and eventually pull that root out. When the root is pulled out it sometimes comes with a lot of pain but, again, thats where your partner can step in. Personally, this took me awhile to understand. I am the type of person who tends to shelf all their feelings and then eventually they all come out in the most inappropriate time. I’ve had many moments (usually tequila induced) where I will explode on Taylor for absolute no reason and he looks at me like I’m a crazy person. Those moments occur because of the shelf of feelings I hold inside me. This trait of mine was very hard to acknowledge and accept but thankfully Taylor was able to help me accept this and work through it. When thinking about that trait I think it can be very common for many women because we tend to want to seem strong and capable of holding it together. In reality, expressing and sharing your emotions is one of the strongest things you can do. One thing I had to accept is that it wasn’t going to make me the inferior in the relationship, and the only good that comes from it is strengthening the relationship.

The ability to talk about all of these issues began with trust in one another and thats something that should be strongly established at the beginning of your relationship. Your partner should be the person you trust in the most and the person you want to come to first with when it comes to any type of news. Once this trust is established the communication between you two will begin to flourish. Now communication can be a tricky one especially when you’re throwing insecurities into the mix. The one advice I have for this is to just do it. Begin talking and sharing, it may feel weird at first but because the trust is there it will soon begin to feel natural. One partner is usually more stronger in the communication department and they tend carry the beginning of the conversation, making it easier for the other to join. I have found this is the only way we have made it through our hard times. Sitting with the feelings makes it worse and then you explode in ways that you don’t want to experience. Raised voices and tears may come with the communication but once you get to then end of it you’re one step closer to that root being completely gone. Talking these situations through leads to problem solving and creating solutions that you know will work for the both of you. When these solutions are created and talked about one thing you’ll notice is that you yourself feel stronger and almost like a weight has been lifted off of you. It’s truly a beautiful thing. I like to think that relationships are like roses; beautiful at the top but the stem is full of thorns you’re working through to achieve the fully blossomed rose. You yourself must accept the thorns and I can promise you that you’ll blossom into that rose.

We’re all full of many insecurities stemming from an amplitude of different experiences. The great thing about this is that people are placed into your life to help you overcome and grow from them. Don’t be afraid to share. Don’t be afraid that you’ll look inferior. Don’t be afraid that you may be judged. We all have them, just not everyone is willing to share them. 6 years later I am thankful for the scars, the tears, and the trying times because it has developed into this beautiful relationship that I’ll forever cherish.

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